The Joys of Pet Ownership
by SkywardShadow
Summary: Ryo couldn't have picked up something dangerous and interesting, like a tarantula or a cobra. No, he had to go and find a kitten. COMPLETE!
1. Hate is a strong word

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. I own Tabitha, though…so she has an excuse for being evil. XD

**A/N: Mosi mosi!! I'm back to dabbling in the YGO fandom..not something I expected…-grin-Anyway, this fic is dedicated to ****Always a Bookworm**** (read her stories!!!), because she was the one who requested another YGO fic..and kept me in the fandom almost singlehandedly.**

**So, after staring at a blank page for an hour, I came up with this. XD Hope you like it!**

**IMPORTANT: In this fic, **_**Ryo and Bakura have separate bodies**_**. Don't ask why. They just do.**

**The Joys of Pet Ownership: Chapter One**

**x**

Bakura had been tempted to send his hikari to the Shadow Realm before; nobody would deny that.

But before, it had been different. It had always been about staying in control. Making it crystal clear who was the 'boss', for lack of a better term, in their situation. But never before had he considered sending Ryo to the Shadows out of.._frustration_. Clean and simple frustration.

"Absolutely not," the thief snarled after a long pause. "Get rid of it."

Ryo frowned. "It's my house," he pointed out. "I have every right to a pet."

A pet. Yes, a _pet_. As in, the tiny ball of fluff currently nestled in Ryo's arms. He had apparently found the kitten, a miniscule tabby, during his walk home from school. The thing had no collar and the rain was pouring down, so naturally Ryo—disgusting do-gooder that he was—had picked it up and brought it home with him.

"I live here too," was Bakura's growled reply. "No cats."

Ryo rolled his eyes. "When I suggested getting a tarantula about a month ago-_jokingly_, I might add-you were all for it," he stated.

"Of course," Bakura responded, smirking. "Tarantulas are hairier than most dogs, have an abnormal amount of eyes and legs, fangs, and scare the living hell out of just about everybody. _That_ is a pet. Sniveling little puffballs like that revolting thing in your arms are not pets." He sent the kitten a glare of disgust. "If it can't kill, bite, or at least send someone running for their lives, then what's the point?"

His hikari gave him a scathing look. "You might find this hard to believe, but not everyone wants an animal equipped with every dangerous asset possible."

"Why the hell not?" Bakura retorted incredulously.

Ryo sighed. "This is ridiculous. I'm keeping Tabitha, and that's that."

The thief almost choked on his own spit. "_Tabitha_?" he repeated, revolted. "You _named_ it?!"

"She's a _she_, not an _it_," Ryo corrected him matter-of-factly. "And yes, I did. We couldn't just keep calling her 'fluffball', could we?"

"We? _We?!_ Forget it. I don't want a cat in the house," Bakura snapped, wincing mentally at how.._childish_ his voice sounded.

"I don't particularly care," Ryo responded sweetly. "Seeing as it's _my house_. I'm keeping her, so you might as well get used to it." And he retreated before a meltdown could ensue.

Bakura actually felt his eye twitching, but kept his mouth shut.

He was going about this the wrong way. Why was he getting so work up over a…a _cream puff_? He had to look at this differently. The kitten was beneath his notice! He wasn't going to let something so insignificant irk him.

Oh, no. The thing might as well not exist for all the attention _he_ was going to pay it.

**TBC**

**A/N: I'm already having too much fun with this story. XD **


	2. but I really

Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one besides Tabitha.

**A/N: Thank you very much to Panguins-in-American-Oh-my for Alerting, maza9876543210 for Favoriting, ShinigamiKittens for reviewing, and Always a Bookworm for Alerting, Favoriting and reviewing!! Domo arigato everyone!!**

**The Joys of Pet Ownership: Chapter Two**

**x**

Bakura bolted upright in bed.

He looked around the dark room, frowning, wondering what had woke him up. It couldn't have been Ryo-the boy knew better. The last time he had inadvertently disturbed his yami's rest…well, let's just say _unpleasant_ things had followed.

A noise drifted through the silence. A sort of..mewing.

Bakura scowled as he remembered the cat. _Wonderful_, he thought. _Bad enough the idiot picked up a kitten..now it turns out he managed to pick up a __**nocturnal**__ kitten as well._

All things considered, though, he figured the mewling would be easy enough to ignore. After all, the thing was so _small_-how much noise could it possibly make?

The thief lay back down and started to drift off, but the mewing started up again and once more jerked him out of drowsiness. _Why is that stupid little noise keeping me up?_ he wondered grumpily. _Must be the high pitch or something like that.._

He sat up, lifted his pillow, flopped back down on the mattress and put the pillow firmly over his head. It wasn't exactly comfortable, but he would gladly give up comfort for a good sleep.

He wasn't sure how long he dozed off for, or if he even dozed off at all. But the next thing he knew, he was awake again and the mewing was back, twice as loud.

Bakura groaned and lifted up the pillow. He raised his head-only to find himself staring into a pair of luminous green eyes.

He yelped (which, of course, he would never admit to doing-thieves do not yelp, after all; nor do they make any other sort of squeak-like noise) and jumped violently, falling off the bed in the process and hitting the hardwood floor with a _Thud_.

He picked himself up quickly, humiliated, but silently grateful that the only witness to his mortification was the small cat, who was staring at him innocently from the head of his bed. _His bed_. Which was now going to be covered in cat fur, thank you very much.

"Get..out.._now_," Bakura ground out. "Go and find some patch of floor to sleep on, you little rat."

Tabitha stared at him mournfully. She mewled again.

"I'm not _feeding_ you, if that's what you want," the disgruntled thief snapped. "If you're hungry, go to Ryo. I'm sure he wouldn't mind all that much if you nibbled off a finger or two."

The kitten made a noise that sounded remarkably like a whimper.

"Whatever it is you want from me, you can forget it," Bakura said irritably. "I am not your caretaker. I am not your friend. I don't like you in the least. Ryo's the one who took you in-go and pester _him_ all night, why don't you?"

The kitten remained stationary.

Bakura looked at the digital clock on his bedside table and groaned. It was two AM-read: _way_ too early for this.

He stormed forward, picked up Tabitha and, ignoring her yowls of protest, deposited her outside his room and slammed the door.

Bakura: 1. Creampuff: 0.

**x**

The next morning, before Ryo headed for school, he began making a list of things to buy on his way home. Bakura sat across the table from him, slouching and staring aimlessly into space, and sporting the most epic case of bed head the world had ever seen.

"I went out and got her a collar last night," Ryo stated in a maddeningly chipper voice. "It's purple, see?..Well, back to the point. We'll need cat food, obviously. And nail clippers, unless we want to be clawed into shreds. Oh, and how about some cat toys?"

"How about a shock collar?" Bakura suggested, failing to keep a note of sadistic glee at the prospect out of his voice.

"She already has a collar," Ryo pointed out disapprovingly. "And those shock collars are inhumane."

"Yes, because I _really_ care about details like that," Bakura retorted with a snort.

He had good reason to be annoyed. The kitten's ejection from his room last night hadn't been the end of it; no, not by a long shot. Tabitha had responded to the indignity by scratching at his door and yowling at the top of her (amazingly large) lungs. All. Night. Long. He hadn't been able to so much as close his eyes, not _once_, and he could not believe his hikari had slept through it.

Perhaps the score needed changing. Bakura: 1. Tabitha: 1.

"I'll get some more milk," Ryo noted absentmindedly. "Cats like milk, don't they?..Bakura, can you think of anything I've left out?"

"Arsenic. Some sort of heavy metal object, preferably one with spikes on it."

"Bakura! You're being ridiculous."

"Think about who you're talking to before you ask stupid questions," Bakura growled. "And I was being entirely serious."

Ryo sighed. "I've got to get to school. You're going to watch Tabitha until I get back."

He was gone before Bakura's tired brain could process what had been said.

**x**

That cat was staring him down. Bakura was sure of it.

Since the minute Ryo left, which had been about ten minutes ago, Tabitha-in her stupidly bright, brand new purple collar-had been watching him with an unnervingly unblinking stare. It was beginning to grate on his already sleep-deprived nerves.

"_What?!_" he finally snapped. "Are you still sore about last night?" He realized the severity of his exhaustion right then. Why in Ra's name was he speaking to a _cat_? Particularly the one he had decided to ignore?

Tabitha mewed pitifully.

_Not that again.._ "I've mentioned this before, I'm sure," he stated nastily. "I'm _not_ going to feed you. If you happen to starve, it's not my problem, now, is it?"

The kitten changed tactics. She narrowed her eyes and hissed at him. The effect, despite her size, was actually quite threatening.

Bakura's glare deepened. _I will parade around Domino naked and painted with pink hearts and rainbows before I allow myself to be intimidated by a cat, _he thought vehemently. _I will listen to that Anzu girl's friendship speeches for a week straight before I allow myself to be intimidated by a cat. I will ask for the Pharaoh's autograph and start a Yugi Motou fan club before I allow myself to be intimidated by a cat._

He shot her his patented Death Glare. Her back arched, and she hissed even more angrily, showing off small but undoubtedly sharp fangs.

In cases like these, he had long since decided, the only way to put the fear of Ra into arrogant little snots was through, quite simply, violence. So he abandoned his 'Ignore the cat' strategy and opted instead for a more brute approach.

He aimed a kick at Tabitha, nicking her tail and just barely missing her furry little head.

And what happened next?

Well….nothing at all enjoyable for Bakura, I can assure you.

**TBC**

**A/N: Heh, heh…You shouldn't have messed with Tabitha, Bakura! XD The chaos is only just beginning!**


	3. really

Disclaimer: If I owned Yu-Gi-Oh, I wouldn't have allowed 4Kids to make it into an anime. Ugh.

**A/N: Thank you xXxDragonxPhoenixXx and Shadowed Ice for Alerting! Also, thank you Atomic Lightbulb for Alerting and reviewing! And thank you ShinigamiKittens, Zuma, and Always a Bookworm for reviewing!!!**

**The dental details probably aren't all that accurate, but bear with me.**

**Hope you all enjoy the chapter! ^.^**

**The Joys of Pet Ownership: Chapter Three**

**x**

"I will send that cat to the Shadows," Bakura declared lividly. "It and any spawn it may produce. I will-"

"Oh, shut up," Ryo snapped angrily. "It's your own fault." He tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

They were driving to the nearest dentist. Ryo was irate, having been called out of class by the principal, who had been called by Ryo's neighbor, who had heard loud yells from inside Ryo's house and thought his 'brother' was having some kind of emergency. Which, he supposed, was true in a sense.

Bakura glared at his hikari and turned to look sulkily out the window. The drive continued in silence.

**x**

"Well, then, Bakura-san…How about we start with why you're here."

"I'm here to get my hair done," Bakura responded sarcastically. "What do _you_ think, genius?"

The dentist flushed. "Well, what happened?" he asked, with slightly less than his usual politeness.

"Is that necessary for whatever.._procedure_ you are going to inflict on me?" Bakura inquired in a snarky tone.

"Well, it's-"

"Do you say _anything_ without tacking on 'Well?' first?"

"Bakura-_san_," the dentist said, restraining his anger with extreme difficulty, "please explain what happened to you. Or perhaps you'd like to find another dental expert?"

"…" If they ended up having to switch dentists, Ryo would kill him. Or worse, sic the cat on him. If he had to deal with that furry little Lucifer for one more minute, he would probably send _himself_ to the Shadows solely to escape looking at its smug little face.

"Fine," he grumbled. "My-_brother_-he found this cat the other day. Vicious, smug thing who's determined to make me lose my sanity-and I didn't believe I retained any sanity to lose before this incident." He inhaled sharply. "Anyway, the thing bit me. Little rat." He glanced downwards at the deep bite in his hand that had only recently quit bleeding. "So I bit it back," he continued coolly.

The dentist did a double take.

"You-?!"

"And broke a tooth on its damn collar," the thief snarled, picturing the new, bloody hole in his gums where a tooth used to be. He'd had those teeth for over three thousand years, only to lose them on the collar of a _kitten_ because he didn't watch where he was aiming.

The dentist nodded, now struggling to keep from laughing. His eyes watered with the effort.

"Something funny?" Bakura snapped, glaring at him.

"No, no, of course not," the dentist responded, lying through his perfectly white teeth. "Just an.._unusual_ story, is all."

"I'm sure it is," was the irritated reply. "Now fix it."

"Uh-yes, of course. If you'll just..um, lean back.."

Bakura eyed him with distrust as he leaned back stiffly in the chair. Doctor Yukemura, as his small brass nametag testified, bent over the 'teenager' and examined his mouth carefully. Only the thought of how ridiculously un-threatening he would look with one tooth missing kept Bakura from biting the man's fingers off.

"Well, there's still a bit of tooth left," was the murmured diagnosis. "We'll have to grind it down and put in a fake one to replace it."

"You _what?!_" Bakura exclaimed, and promptly gagged on the dentist's still-probing gloved fingers.

Doctor Yukemura backed off. "We'll grind down the tooth," he repeated patiently, "and replace it with a fake one. Which bit would you like me to clarify?"

That was when Bakura decided he hated all dentists.

"And the best part," the dentist concluded with some relish, "is that we conveniently have an opening right now! Some girl canceled, so there's enough time to perform the operation."

And that was when Bakura decided he hated whoever that girl was.

"I'll be right back," said Doctor Yukemura, retreating for the time being.

While he was gone, Bakura had time to think. And he came to a firm conclusion.

He absolutely loathed cats.

**x**

"I have to hand it the 'dental experts' of the world," Bakura observed during the rather solemn drive home. "They have discovered more physically, emotionally, and psychologically painful tortures than I ever could." _Maybe I should check into dentistry as a career option,_ he added silently. _After I kill that cream puff, of course._

"And this fake tooth business," he added with a deep frown. "As long as they had to do it, why couldn't they have given me a _gold_ one, or something?"

"If you don't can it," Ryo growled in his most dangerous voice, "I will come into your room tonight and paint a…a _unicorn_ on that tooth. Quit…_whining_. If I didn't need you to stay at home with Tabitha, I'd make you go and get a job to pay for the cost of that stupid tooth."

Bakura scowled. "It was that stupid little furball you brought home," he grumbled. "Blame _it_."

Ryo spared him a scathing sideways glare. "Oh, Tabitha _asked_ you to bite her?"

"No," Bakura sputtered. "But it was-it was staring me down! And then it bit me-" he decided to leave out the part where he attempted to kick the cat, therefore starting the whole thing- "so I retaliated."

"For a three-thousand-year-old, you act an awful lot like an infant," Ryo retorted. "Lots of people get bitten by cats, but I do believe you are the first person stupid enough to actually bite the cat _back_. She's only a kitten, for heaven's sake! A baby! Would you bite a baby?! _Don't_ answer that," he added warningly.

Bakura shut his mouth with reluctance. After a pause, he growled, "She's no baby! She's a demonic little beast who is _almost_ as evil as I am!"

Ryo smirked. "Ha!"

"..'Ha' what?"

"You said 'she', instead of it," Ryo stated smugly.

Bakura threw his hands in the air. "Fine," he snapped. "Don't believe me. But that cat is _evil_. If you wake up shredded to pieces, don't say I didn't warn you."

"I'll be sure to bar my windows and lock my doors against the terror that is a fluffy kitten," Ryo replied, amused. "Thanks for the warning."

The thief was once again forced to change the score. Bakura: 1. Fluffy: 2.

**x**

_Make that 'Fluffy: 3'_, Bakura observed the next morning as he lay on the couch, thoroughly exhausted.

Most tricks don't work twice. They annoy you once, but have no effect when tried again.

But not the oh-so-creative 'Keep Bakura Up All Night By Clawing At His Door And Yowling' trick, patented by Tabitha. _That_ pleasant little prank ranked about a fifty on the annoyance scale, and what was more-it would almost certainly work more than once, as the kitten had demonstrated last night. In fact, Bakura was moderately sure that it would work _every_ night, and that Tabitha would be sure to prove that to him.

If he had been ready to kill the cat before, he was _aching_ to do so now.

Ryo hadn't believed him, of course. He had shaken his head and said, "If it was so terrible, then why didn't I hear a thing?"

He left, so Bakura couldn't use his prepared reply: _"Because you could easily sleep through World War Three, you moron."_

But no matter. Today, he was taking control. Today, he would take no more crap from that kitten-in fact, he would go back to Plan A and just ignore the thing completely.

(Yeah. Because that worked _so_ well the first time.)

**TBC**

**A/N: Anyone wanna take a guess at what new chaos shall unfold in the next chapter? -grin-**


	4. reeeeally

Disclaimer: I own Tabitha and that is all. You don't sue me, I don't sic my flying monkeys on you. Or perhaps Tabitha. You can choose.

**A/N: Big thank-you ShinigamiKittens for reviewing and WinButler for Alerting!! And..-takes deep breath- Always a Bookworm and marie for reviewing, YuanxKratos for Alerting, millenniumthief for Alerting and reviewing, and Silver Tears 11 and AnnaGu for Alerting and Favoriting, respectively. AND (holy crud..there's more?!!) devotedtodreams for reviewing and Favoriting, and hiddencry for reviewing, Favoriting and Alerting. Arigato gozaimasu!!**

**The Joys of Pet Ownership: Chapter Four**

**x**

Ignoring irritating things in life-say, for example, a kitten-came much, much easier when one was sleeping.

Bakura embraced this fact with joy. He could begin to eliminate his sleep deprivation, and not have to deal with The Beast-killing two birds with one stone, as the expression went. One of which happened to be the most irksome 'bird' he had ever come across. He would only be too happy to _literally_ kill it, but for now, he'd have to settle for figuratively.

_Oh well,_ he thought, settling into the rather comfortable couch. _Everyone has to make sacrifices._

He lay there at peace-as 'at peace' as the Thief King ever got, anyway-for roughly five and a half minutes. That is, until a certain small cat decided she was bored and wanted some entertainment. And of course, Bakura was her favorite source of entertainment.

The thief just about had a heart attack when, right in the middle of a glorious dream involving a kitten and a dartboard, four little padded paws pounced on his chest. He nearly bit his tongue off in an attempt not to yell. His eyes narrowed dangerously at the innocent-looking kitten, although the effect was ruined somewhat by his ever-worsening bed head (anyone who called him a 'porcupine' on a _normal_ day had absolutely no idea).

"What…is it…_now_?" he snarled, before noticing the small pink ball in Tabitha's mouth.

She eyed him hopefully, even as he began to veritably expand with rage. "You want…to _play_," he stated with quiet fury. "After all of this…you expect _me_, the King of Thieves…to play _fetch_ with you?!"

Tabitha gave him an affronted look. After all, everyone knows that cats do not _fetch_. They merely frolic after the ball at an impressive pace.

She hopped off of her unwilling catsitter after dropping the ball on his chest and watched him from the floor expectantly. "You are my _enemy_, rat," Bakura growled. "Do not forget that."

Tabitha appeared to be ignoring everything except for her precious ball, which only angered him further. Feeling his temper quickly accelerating to the boiling point, he wound up and threw the ball as hard as he could. At the cat.

However, Tabitha dodged the bomb nimbly and chased after her ball. She was back so fast Bakura wondered if he'd even had time to blink. "…Amuse yourself," he finally grumbled, aware that his latest attempt at revenge had failed and extremely annoyed about it. "I am going back to sleep."

And to Bakura's credit, he tried to sleep. He really did. But nothing could deter Tabitha in her favorite game: Push Bakura Over the Edge (To Which He is Already Dangerously Close).

His eyes closed and he began to lose consciousness. Then…

_Ringaling_

His eye twitched, but he ignored it-whatever it was-and attempted to focus on retreating into sleep. Exhaustion was starting to take over, when…

_Ringaling_

_Ignore it, just ignore it_, he told himself, fighting down yet more anger.

_Ringaliiiiiiingggg_

"Graaaahhhhh!" Bakura roared, sitting bolt upright. "Enough with the gods-curst _ringing_!"

He searched for the source of the noise, and zeroed in on Tabitha. More specifically, her toy ball. Every time she moved it, that horrible, sleep-disturbing ringing noise would commence. _A bell_, he thought. _It has a bell inside of it. How…__**wonderful**__._

He reached for the ball, swiftly evading furious claws, and captured his prize. He held it triumphantly against himself, returned to his comfy position on the sofa, and was promptly set upon by an irate Tabitha, who rubbed furiously against every inch of his body in an attempt to get her toy back. And woe betide any bare skin that happened to present itself.

**x**

_Well. __**That**__ was educational. I now know what a scratching post feels like. Damn hellcat…_

The battle had eventually ended in the kitten's favor, after she had administered a particularly deep scratch in Bakura's now-bleeding wrist. He had relinquished the ball and watched the cat trot off, hating her more with every passing moment.

With a groan, the weary thief dragged himself off of the couch and towards the bathroom. He needed to wash the claw marks, at least-the last thing he needed was an infection. Especially since he was probably coming down with something as it was-he hadn't been able to quit sneezing since the kitten had made her escape. And his throat felt like she had somehow managed to scratch there as well. Great.

He rinsed the cut, feeling too lazy to apply soap, and happened to glance into the mirror.

And, well, screeched.

His eyes were red. Watery and red. Not an evil red, either-a sickly, plaguelike, 'I am going to die of some weird illness' red. That same red colored a rash that was covering large portions of his skin. He couldn't believe his watery eyes.

He sneezed again, violently. _What's wrong with me?!_

Furious that he had to do so, he fairly ran into the kitchen, hunted down Ryo's cell phone number, and pressed the buttons on the phone with perhaps more vehemence than was strictly necessary.

**x**

Less than ten minutes later, they were in the car again, this time on their way to the doctor's office.

Upon arriving home, Ryo had first looked homicidal with fury that Bakura was once again dragging him out of school. Then he had caught sight of his yami's red, blotchy self and couldn't stop laughing. Even now, as he drove, he kept glancing at Bakura out of the corner of his eye and snickering. And the thief was too busy sneezing to tell him off.

The nurse at the desk looked startled when the pair entered; two boys, one covered in a bright red rash, the other looking as though he was fighting for all he was worth not to break down in hysterical laughter on the spot. She stammered that they were having a slow day, and called in Doctor Pantsushi.

The doctor took one look at Bakura and sighed. "Oh, dear."

"Don't you 'Oh dear' me," snapped the thief. "What the hell is wrong with me?!"

"You have a horrible case of it," the doctor observed, already writing down a prescription on a notepad. "You shouldn't let it get this bad."

"Tell me what's wrong or I will kill you with a smile on my face," Bakura stated bluntly.

The doctor shuddered. "Cat allergies," he replied nervously. "You obviously have a very severe case of cat allergies."

The room was dead silent for exactly three seconds.

Then a howl shot through the room.

Bakura, the doctor, and the nurse turned, startled, to see Ryo doubled over with laughter.

**x**

"Remind me," Bakura hissed through clenched teeth as they drove home, "why you felt the need to keep the rat and not just send it to a shelter? Or better yet-_no_ shelter. Why didn't you just leave it to die?!" he exclaimed vehemently.

Ryo, still having difficulty controlling his hysterics, couldn't even send his yami a warning glare. He collapsed once more into a fit of giggles.

Bakura squeezed the little tube of lotion the doctor had given him until he was sure it would pop open and squirt goo everywhere. _As long as you don't touch the cat_, the doctor had told him, _you should be fine._

_But I don't __**want**__ to avoid touching it,_ Bakura thought. _I want to kick it. I want to strangle it with my bare hands._

"Why are you so opposed to getting rid of the stupid thing?" he demanded, making yet another attempt to convince his hikari to free him of the cat. "It's arrogant, vicious, demonic, stubborn, grumpy, and eternally annoying."

"Oh, so you're saying she's just like you?" Ryo retorted, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.

"…" For the time being, he gave up on the 'Get Rid of the Kitten' venture. Ryo was hopeless.

However…

"One last thing," Bakura said slowly. A smirk slid across his features. "Do you happen to own a razor?"

**TBC**

**A/N: Extra thank-you-very-much to Always a Bookworm-san, for pointing out that Tabitha is indeed like Bakura in cat form. XD**


	5. don't

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of the characters in it. I do, however, own Tabitha. Yes, she has somebody to blame. XD

**A/N: Domo arigato millenniumthief for reviewing and Favoriting, Little Kuriboh Imposter for reviewing and Alerting, ShinigamiKittens, hiddencry, Always a Bookworm and Zuma for reviewing, Dark Onyx for Favoriting and Alerting, and Battle-Royalist and Hikari Kame for reviewing, Favoriting and Alerting. So much feedback..-swoons- Thank you all so much!!**

**The Joys of Pet Ownership: Chapter Five**

**x**

It was the middle of the night. Four-thirty AM, to be precise.

Bakura was lying in bed stiffly, trying to fake sleep, but he could barely stand staying still.

Because he had left his door open. Bait for the trap. The enemy had a perfect opening-so it thought.

He had been lying sleeplessly for hours now, waiting, refusing to let down his guard. No fluffball was going to get the better of him tonight; oh, no.

Tense seconds passed, and then-_there_! The sound. The sound of tiny paws swiftly padding down the hallway, making the old wood creak. _Here it comes_, he thought with something akin to excitement, tightening his grip on the weapon he had stored underneath his pillow.

The kitten's surprise as she saw that Bakura's door was actually open was almost tangible. The thief bit his tongue hard as he fought to stay still and unconscious-looking. He heard the pawsteps pause, then continue cautiously toward his bed. He wondered what she would try to do to him now that she thought she had him defenseless. Well, he wouldn't give himself a chance to find out.

A sudden weight dropped onto his legs and he almost jumped before realizing that the kitten must have leaped onto the bed. _Calm yourself. Just wait a little longer…it's almost time now…almost time.._

The little paws stepped closer to his face, which was undoubtedly her target..closer..closer..

Bakura waited until he could feel the warm, fish-scented kitteny breath before making his move.

He sprang into action, sliding sideways out from under the sheets and dragging them over a startled Tabitha in one fast, fluid movement. He turned the large bundle upside-down and held the opening shut, ignoring the kitten's yowls as she squirmed within her cloth cage. _Yes!_ Stage One was complete.

Praising the gods for once that Ryo was such a heavy sleeper, Bakura hurried to the bathroom, giving his captive an occasional shake (Why? Because he just _could_). He tossed the bundle into the sink and dug through a cabinet for the rubber bands he knew he had stored there earlier. _Barbed wire would be better_, he observed, _but ah, well. You can't have __**everything**__ in life._

He dumped the cat out of captivity and immediately proceeded to tie all four of her furry limbs together with a few rubber bands. Tabitha mewed frantically, sensing that something very bad was about to happen and she had no way of preventing it. Cackling maniacally (which, as we all know, he is very good at doing), Bakura reached into a pocket and retrieved his Secret Weapon, which he had grabbed before leaving the bedroom-a sharp, gleaming razor.

Tabitha thrashed about in terror as the silvery, sharp edge came ever closer. "No use struggling," Bakura hissed, a truly evil grin on his face. Oh, how sweet revenge was.

He turned on the razor and got to work, mentally re-tallying the score.

_Bakura: 2. Fuzzball: 3._

**x**

Ryo was beside himself.

"You-you _cretin_!" he said furiously. "You imbecile! You idiot! You infantile, pathetic, ridiculous excuse for a villain! You-"

On and on it went. Bakura listened as he was called a number of extremely creative insults, several of which he was pretty sure his hikari was making up on the spot.

His hikari whom, incidentally, he dearly wished to strangle with his bare hands.

His hikari who, incidentally, chose _that_ _night_ of all nights to actually wake up at the sound of a noise.

His hikari who, incidentally, would be locking his door tightly for quite some time, if he was smart.

The kitten's Supersonic Yowling Power evidently didn't only work on Bakura. The high pitch, or whatever it was that made the sound so annoying, had actually penetrated Ryo's sleep. Sleep which was so deep that Bakura had, more than once, assumed Ryo was dead and then proceeded to find the permanent markers and do very evil things to his hikari's face. (And then get royally chewed out, but..that's a different story.)

The fact remained that Bakura was currently sitting at the kitchen table, half-listening to Ryo's livid rants at four-thirty in the morning. Oh, he was not going to be pleasant to be around tomorrow morning..

It was all the fault of _that cat_. He gave it the Death Glare-or at least, he tried to. The attempt failed, because every time he so much as looked at the kitten, Bakura found himself being forced to fight a mad urge to throw back his head and howl with insane laughter.

Because Tabitha was now, thanks to him, partially bald.

Admittedly, he had only managed to shave the fur off three of her limbs before Ryo had come barreling in, but it was enough to keep him content for the moment. The cat looked utterly ridiculous, and for once, the thief couldn't get enough of looking at her.

"I should sic the Humane Society on you!" Ryo was still going on, aghast at the situation that had been steadily escalating ever since Tabitha had first set foot in his house.

"Get a grip," his yami responded sharply. "I could have killed her instead, you know."

Which, of course, set off another explosion of horrified rants. Ryo was willing to call the police on him, for Ra's sake, and for what? _All I did_, Bakura silently defended himself, _was pay that rat back a small portion of the pain it's caused me. I've been scratched up and covered in rashes and deprived of sleep and had a tooth ripped out, all because my hikari is too much of a sucker to leave a dying animal to just __**die**__. The thing can't be allowed to continue wreaking havoc, as that's __**my**__ job. Ryo just needs to wake up and smell the animosity in the air._

"…to the vet," Ryo finished.

Bakura, who had been tuning out, looked up with a "Huh?"

"The vet," Ryo repeated irritably. "I'm going to take Tabitha to the vet first thing tomorrow morning."

Vet? _Vet? _"All I did was give her a bit of a shave!" Bakura yelled indignantly.

"Yes, well, I want to make sure you didn't cut her or infect her or anything."

The thief couldn't believe his ears. It was like sending someone to the doctor because they'd been given a haircut. "Well, what about your precious _school_?" he pointed out snidely. "Isn't skipping against the _rules_?" _You know the situation is desperate when I'm taking the side of education and rules!_

"Screw the rules," Ryo replied firmly. "I have a partially-bald kitten."

**TBC**

**A/N: I couldn't resist throwing in a little Abridged Series reference there. xD**


	6. like

Disclaimer: I own Tabitha and, consequentially, the havoc she wreaks. Nothing more. –grins-

**A/N: Thanks so much to millenniumthief, Always a Bookworm, hiddencry, Little Kuriboh Imposter, Battle-Royalist, Rayna, devotedtodreams and ShinigamiKittens for reviewing!! Also to kuroneko1571 and Kitty Fowl for reviewing and Alerting, and Rain Megami and pinkrose1122 for Favoriting!! Also Bellacide for reviewing and Alerting, lovenyami and scrambled-eggs-at-midnight for reviewing and Favoriting, Tashianna for Alerting and Favoriting, and pbub2 and Naito No Megami for Alerting!! Domo arigato everyone!!**

**Oh, and because I forgot to add this in any of the disclaimers…heh…****I don't own 'Hate is a Strong Word', by Plain White Ts. ****Sorry about that.**

**One last thing. Yeah, Marik and Malik ****have separate bodies**** as well. Again, please don't ask why. And they're in Domino. And this is considered perfectly normal. …Uh, yeah, please just go with it. -.-;;**

**The Joys of Pet Ownership: Chapter 6**

**x**

"Have I mentioned that you're being an idiot about this?"

"Only about fifty times in the past five minutes," Ryo responded sharply. "Can it, or I'll find the fur you shaved off of Tabitha and stick it in your pajamas."

Bakura shut up. He didn't need any more contact with any part of that accursed kitten-his hands were already red and maddeningly itchy from touching her while tying together her limbs._ Ah, good times._

He turned to stare out the window, stifling a yawn and trying to ignore the big, woeful green eyes boring holes into him from a basket in the back seat. Yes, a _basket_. He barely suppressed a snort of disgust. Ryo had neglected to buy a cage (which was unfortunate-Bakura could have had a lot of fun with a cage), so Tabitha sat in an old wicker Easter basket that had been dug out of the basement. _Next thing you know, he'll be expecting me to join him in tying pink bows around her ears,_ Bakura observed with a mental shudder.

Ryo pulled into a parking spot at the extremely crowded vet's office. He grabbed Tabitha's basket from the backseat and looked at his yami expectantly.

"_What_?" Bakura snapped. He was exhausted, and in no mood for games.

"Get a move on," Ryo responded, frowning.

"What?" the thief repeated. "Why do _I_ have to come in?!"

"Well, let's think," Ryo said irritably. "One: it's because of you that we're even here in the first place. Two: I need someone to blame for this." Bakura opened his mouth to protest, but was steamrolled over. "And three: it looks ridiculously packed in there. If I have to sit and be bored stupid for however long, then so do you. I'm not going to suffer alone."

Bakura scowled, and once again attempted to get a word in edgewise, but his hikari had one more ace up his sleeve.

"If you'd prefer," he said lightly, "you can stay out in the car, on the condition that you begin job-hunting as soon as possible-to pay all these dental and medical bills that have _suddenly_ begun piling up." He eyed his yami warningly, making it clear that he was not joking in the slightest.

And of course, if it was a choice between dealing with people all day long or dealing with a crowd for a few minutes..

Bakura got out of the car and slammed the door as hard as he possibly could, muttering what sounded a lot like death threats under his breath.

**x**

"Hello," the cheerful-looking receptionist at the desk greeted them. "How can we help you?"

"I would just like for my cat to get..er, checked out," Ryo said, his tone awkward. Bakura smirked. _Has it finally occurred to him that the cat is-unfortunately-__**not**__ hurt, and that this whole visit is entirely unnecessary?_

The receptionist took their names, and the two proceeded to the waiting room, which was just as crowded as Bakura had feared. People. Everywhere, people. And their pets. Their hissing, barking, squeaking, meowing, squawking, chirping, growling pets. It was the type of din where you could hardly hear yourself think. There were no seats open, so they joined several others in leaning against a wall.

Five minutes passed, during which Bakura said nothing (a feat in itself). There was just no point. Even with his hikari less than a foot away, there was no way on earth he would be able to hear a word over the continual noise of the animals.

After ten minutes, the thief began to get twitchy. He shifted from leaning on one foot to the other.

As the waiting time passed the fifteen minute mark, Bakura realized that both of his feet had fallen asleep at the exact same time, which he previously hadn't known was possible.

By the time they hit twenty-five minutes, Bakura was bored completely out of his mind and probably would have done something drastic involving fingernails and explosives, had two people not come in when they did.

Ryo perked up as he noticed them enter: Marik, and his yami Malik-aka the only person on the face of the planet with hair that beat both Bakura's _and_ Atem's on the over-the-top scale. Marik was holding a small cage, and Malik's arms were folded. They both looked extremely irritated.

"Hello!" Ryo called, waving. "_Marik_!" He cupped his hands around his mouth, so as to be heard above all the noise. Marik noticed his friend and walked over, managing a tired-looking smile. Malik followed suit, only without the smile.

"So why are you here?" Ryo wanted to know.

"What?"

"_Why are you here_?!"

"Oh." Marik held up the cage. Therein lay a small, violently green lizard who quivered at the sight of them. "It's my lizard," Marik explained unnecessarily. "Malik here got bored while I was at school-" he gestured to his yami with a scowl- "so he decided to cut off Rishid's tail to see if it would grow back." The glare deepened.

"Wait-_what_?!" Ryo yelped. Bakura raised an eyebrow.

"Oh-the lizard's name is Rishid," Marik yelled. "We picked names out of a hat. I still don't know who put that one in."

"Right," said Ryo distractedly, no doubt attempting to purge a particularly disturbing image from his mind.

"Why are you here?" Marik continued with impressive volume. "I didn't think you had a pet."

"We don't," Bakura answered shortly. "What we have is the reincarnation of Satan, come to earth."

"Her name is Tabitha," Ryo said proudly, displaying the kitten in her disgustingly cute basket and ignoring his yami completely. Marik raised an eyebrow at the method of transportation Ryo had settled on to cart the cat around, but didn't comment on it.

"The idiot found that little beast a few days ago," Bakura muttered to his fellow villain in a murderous tone. "He couldn't just leave it to die, oh _no_, he had to bring it home, and it's done nothing but give me hell since."

"It looks like a drowned rat," Malik stated bluntly.

"It does, doesn't it?" Bakura replied conversationally, clearly enjoying the turn their chat had taken.

**x**

The wait took over an hour as people filed slowly in and out of the vet's office, but the arrival of Marik and Malik made the whole thing much more bearable. The yamis commiserated about the idiocy of their hikaris and animals in general, while the hikaris complained about the continual havoc wreaked by their yamis.

Eventually one of the nurses called for Ryo Bakura. Ryo took Tabitha and left his yami behind. Possibly out of fear of what Bakura might do with any medical tools the vet had lying around. If there was one thing he knew, it was the fact that allowing a bloodthirsty thief within reach of sharp objects was a very, very bad idea.

Ryo ended up paying a ridiculous amount of money for the vet to tell him that which was painfully obvious to everyone else: Tabitha was fine. Aside from the fact that her fur would probably look a little uneven when it grew back, she was completely unharmed. Bakura's "I told you so"s afterward continued until Ryo cracked and threatened him with slow disembowelment if he didn't shut up.

The visit to the vet's office, all things considered, ended up being pretty uneventful.

It wasn't until later on that the chaos started.

Er, _continued_.

**x**

Bakura was starting to get used to not getting any sleep whatsoever.

That's not to say it didn't still make him grumpy as hell, however.

Tabitha was, as expected, furious with her tormentor. She had already made up her mind to punish him to the best of her ability. Serenading the exhausted thief (read: yowling in his ear) for the duration of the night was only the beginning.

Bakura barely had enough energy to attempt a half-hearted swipe at the kitten. He was going to be about as lively as a zombie in the morning. _Well_, he thought miserably, _at least it can't possibly get any worse._

You would think, wouldn't you, that after so long, people would learn _never_ to think that.

**TBC**

**A/N: I have devotedtodreams-san to thank for Malik's "drowned rat" comment..er..if my use of that quote upsets you in any way at all, please tell me and I'll take it down! -.-;**


	7. you

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!!

**A/N: Thanks so much to Battle-Royalist, ShinigamiKittens, hiddencry, Sparrow and Rose, Little Kuriboh Imposter, Rain Megami, millenniumthief, lovenyami, Always a Bookworm, devotedtodreams and Hikari Kame for reviewing!! Also to Kitty Fowl for reviewing and Favoriting, and NulTide for Alerting!! And also to too-much-romance and unchainedshackles for Favoriting, not to mention sending in a collective mountain of reviews!! We've passed the 50 review mark-domo arigato everyone!!!**

**Aannnd…I owe a gigantic **_**thank-you-vera-much**_** to DeathFruitsMaximumSecrets!! DeathMax-kun not only reviewed (twice) and Favorited, but also helped me out with this chapter big-time. (See, I'm not the only one with an evil mind. XD) Please read her stories-they're good and they need more love!**

**The Joys of Pet Ownership: Chapter Seven**

**x**

In the dead of night, a small kitten prowled.

Under cover of darkness, she could complete her task much more easily. Victory would still require stealth, however. The little cat dubbed Tabitha crept to her litter box (bought courtesy of Ryo, of course), picked up a piece of the 'litter' in her mouth (not the most pleasant taste, but it was unavoidable), carried it and deposited it in a carefully chosen spot in another part of the house.

Never mind that reaching said spot required a good amount of climbing and jumping, not to mention things that were amazingly difficult when one lacked opposable thumbs. Never mind that the completion of the task took almost an hour to become fully effective. Tabitha had a goal, and she was determined to achieve it no matter what.

In order to punish her porcupine-resembling tormentor, she would use whatever means necessary.

This was only the beginning.

**x**

Morning came, and with it, fresh chaos.

Of course.

Bakura dragged himself to the kitchen table, bleary-eyed and exhausted. Not that this was anything new; since Tabitha had invaded, the thief had essentially forgotten what the word 'sleep' meant. Last night had been better than most, at least-sometime after four AM, the kitten had ceased her yowling and gone off somewhere. Bakura had no idea why she'd suddenly decided to leave him alone, but in this case he decided not to look a gift cat in the mouth, and thus managed a whopping six hours of sleep.

As it was nine in the morning by the time Bakura left his bed, Ryo had already left for school, so the thief was on his own as far as breakfast was considered. Still half-asleep and feeling like a zombie, he stood-barely avoiding tripping over his own feet in the process-and hunted down the only box of cereal left in the cupboard.

_Well, it looks sugary_, he noted, giving the colorful box a once-over. _Maybe if I eat enough of it, I'll be awake enough to at least __**walk**__ properly..Of course, I'll crash later..but anything is better than being asleep on my feet like this._

Shrugging to nobody in particular, he found a bowl and filled it with the sugary cereal. He didn't notice an evil, distinctly catlike leer being shot his way from the living room.

He poured the milk, grabbed a spoon and dug in, cramming a huge bite into his mouth. He paused.

Then he bolted to the sink and promptly gagged, spitting out the entire mouthful.

The taste lingering strongly in Bakura's mouth was making him feel sicker by the second. He didn't even bother finding a glass; he just turned the sink on and angled himself so that he could gulp water directly from the tap.

_What kind of cereal did that idiot __**buy**__?!_ he thought furiously, after the disgusting taste was more or less gone. _That was __**revolting**__! It tasted pretty much like crap smells, not to mention the fishy flavor.._

He stormed over to the table and dug a handful of the cereal out of its box for inspection. He noticed something odd almost instantly-several of the pieces stood out from all the rest, differing slightly in color and shape. He sniffed experimentally, and wrinkled his nose with disgust.

_It smells like a litter box, for Ra's-_

_**Wait**__. _

Litter box? _Litter box?!_

_It couldn't be. She wouldn't._

He pictured the evil little kitten in his head-teeth, claws, and false innocence hiding a vicious interior.

_..Oh, yes. She would._

_That vile little __**rat**__-!_

Bakura whirled furiously, tossing aside the handful of cereal and kitty litter, to see Tabitha sitting in the living room, watching him. She licked her paw innocently, wearing what looked very much like a smug smile to Bakura.

Aforementioned thief stared at his enemy, and a bloodthirsty smile slowly slid across his face. _You had better avoid dark corners, Fluffy, because I am going to get you for this._

That was it. War was officially declared.

**x**

Patience. This particular method of retaliation required patience, not to mention painstaking care not to move an inch or make a sound.

Bakura, crouching in the shadows of the basement, clutched a newly empty coffee can and waited. Waited for his prey.

He knew she would come. Tabitha adored a certain red mouse-shaped toy; the thief noticed that she always seemed to have it in her possession during the Nightly Torture. So he had strategically placed it in the middle of the small basement and waited, hidden safely behind a full laundry basket.

Ryo's basement was used for nothing much besides laundry, and was therefore relatively empty. Baskets and dirty clothing were scattered about the dimly-lit room, the floor was cold concrete devoid entirely of carpeting, a washing machine and dryer sat at the back with a shelf bearing Ryo's bobblehead collection above them, and a small patch of floor was currently being used for Tabitha's litter box and toys.

Patience hadn't been a virtue of Bakura's during his actual life, but as he had once waited for revenge for three thousand years, anything else involving waiting was nothing. Although his back _was_ starting to ache from bending behind the basket.

But that was all fine. Once more he found himself exercising extreme patience in the name of revenge, and he would wait for hours if he had to. That cat was going _down_, no matter the cost.

Time passed. Bakura began to feel days of sleep deprivation catching up with him. Twice he caught his head dipping, his eyes drifting shut. Both times he pinched himself viciously enough to draw blood in order to stay awake. _I_ _will __**not**__ let this opportunity escape._

But consecutive days of little to no sleep had found their opening to pounce. His brain shut down; his eyelids suddenly felt as heavy as a suit of armor, and before he could so much as mentally protest, he had fallen asleep.

**x**

The thief's eyes opened.

He bolted upright. _How long have I been asleep?!_

He cast his gaze to the middle of the floor and breathed a sigh of relief. The toy was still there. The prey had not slipped through his fingers. And then, even better..Bakura heard the soft clicking of tiny claws on concrete.

The cat was coming.

_H-Heh heh heh..Now, kitty, you'll get what's coming to you._

Bakura knelt hastily and closed his eyes, listening hard. The success of his vengeful mission depended solely on his ability to gauge where the kitten was based on hearing alone. Considering how stealthy cats were famed to be, this was no small task. But after all, he hadn't been titled 'King of Thieves' for nothing..

_Click, click._ The time was near.

_Click, click._ So close..the rat was _so close_..

_Click_. Pause. _Did she find the toy…?_

Bakura decided that it was time. Without warning his opened his eyes again and pounced, raising the coffee can over his head with a yell of victory. He brought it down harshly, trapping the cat underneath.

Almost tempted to cackle over his success, Bakura dragged the coffee can across the floor and over to the washing machine. He turned the machine on, dumped in a liberal amount of detergent, and then prepared for the tricky part.

He held his breath, then lifted the coffee can, dumped its furry contents into the washing machine, slammed down the lid, and turned the machine on with lightning speed.

Elation gripped him. The war was still far from over, but this battle was his, without a doubt. Quickly he crouched down to watch the show through the machine's round window.

The yowls of a very distressed kitten were like music to his sadistic ears. The little puffball was going around and around, making a _thump_ against the sides on the machine with every rotation.

As the seconds passed, the yowls skyrocketed in pitch, despite being so distorted by all the water. They sounded like a child's screams. The kitten's green eyes were huge. She was terrified, panicking. Bakura felt an odd sensation in the pit of his stomach, but resolutely ignored it. This was _his_ little victory party, and by all the gods, he was going to enjoy it.

The yowls turned to mewls; high-pitched, pleading mewls. The thing wouldn't last much longer. Ryo's words came back to the thief without his volition: _She's only a kitten, for heaven's sake! A baby!_

_So what?_ he thought brusquely. _That rat has been making my existence hell since the moment she first set paw in this house. I'm simply paying the thing back._

But _still_..

"…"

With an aggravated groan, Bakura suddenly stood and turned off the machine. He wrapped a towel around his hand, lifted the machine's lid, reached down and yanked Tabitha out before tossing her onto a pile of dirty laundry.

The kitten's small coughs seemed to echo in the dim basement. She was no longer quite so cream puff-like; the water had all but plastered her fur to her skeleton. And she looked miserable. But she was alive.

Bakura muttered obscenities under his breath, swear words that originated from both the present and from ancient Egypt. Why in hell's name had he saved the vile little cat? Hadn't he been imagining vicious ways to kill her off ever since the first night she'd spent in the house? Hadn't he _enjoyed_ those fantasies thoroughly?

Then why, why, _why_ did he feel the need to rescue the stupid animal at the moment when he might finally have been rid of her forever?

_I'm going soft_, Bakura concluded, livid. _That moronic hikari of mine is rubbing off on me. It needs to stop __**now**__. Next chance I get to eliminate that fuzzy nuisance..no mercy!!_

"BAKURA!"

Involuntarily, the thief flinched. _Oh, crap._ Ryo was home; apparently Bakura's little nap had lasted longer than he'd thought.

"What are you _doing_?!" Ryo veritably shrieked with fury as he rounded on his yami. Said yami realized with a twinge of nervousness that his hikari was brandishing a hairdryer. But he maintained his composure.

"Nothing at all," he said haughtily, well aware that his response was pitiful but determined to ignore that fact.

"Then why," Ryo replied, his voice dripping with ice, "did I come home to an incessant thumping noise and a cat's frantic meowing?" He advanced on his darker half with menace in his tone. "And why is Tabitha dripping wet?" He took another step and raised the hairdryer slightly. "And why was the washing machine going full throttle up until about five seconds ago?!"

Bakura found he couldn't really come up with a good excuse for this one.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't bash you over the head until you're rendered unconscious," Ryo hissed, waving the hairdryer in a manner that made him look so ridiculous Bakura would've laughed, if he'd been in the mood.

Fortunately, Tabitha chose that moment to begin coughing again. Ryo lowered his weapon and hurried to the cat with a concerned glance, all menace gone. "She could catch a cold!" he exclaimed worriedly.

Bakura rolled his eyes. "Give it a rest, you moron. As soon as she dries off, she'll be fine."

"I suppose.." Ryo trailed off as he began to give the hairdryer a significant glance. "Hmm.."

**x**

"…"

There was a three-second, very pregnant, pause.

And then Bakura started to howl with laughter.

"You—you-" He tried to sputter out something resembling words, but failed miserably as loud barks of laughter took over again.

Tabitha sent him a glare that would give Zorc credit. Which, given her current image, only made the thief laugh harder.

Ryo, deciding to take no chances, had decided to plug the hairdryer in and blow-dry the kitten. The method had worked in terms of drying her off; however, there was one side effect: she was poofy to the extreme. She looked like a literal ball of fluff. All of Bakura's nicknames for the cat-'Fluffy', 'Fuzzball', etc.-could no longer be disputed.

"She will go back to normal soon enough," Ryo stated, looking indignant even as his yami slowly regained control over himself. "Stop laughing; you'll give her a complex."

"Good," Bakura snorted. "You could probably use her as a soccer ball while she's like this.."

Ryo, scowling, picked Tabitha up and marched upstairs before she could be subjected to any more of Bakura's verbal abuse.

Before being carried off, however, Tabitha managed to send Bakura a look full of meaning. That meaning being something along the lines of _"I __**will**__ get you for this"_.

The message was clear. The cat would not be granting her enemy any mercy, even if he _had_ saved her little life.

Rescuer or no, the war was still on.

And she would make it her personal duty to ensure that things got _very_ ugly.

**TBC**

**A/N: Eep; I'm sorry for the wait! Hopefully this nice long chapter made up for it. ^_^**


	8. I brought you around

Disclaimer: I own Tabitha. That's about it. I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Twix.

**A/N: Thanks a ton to lovenyami, scrambled-eggs-at-midnight, hiddencry, Always a Bookworm, ShinigamiKittens, Little Kuriboh Imposter, Battle-Royalist, Kitty Fowl, Rain Megami, Roseleaf-Bakura-fangirl and Gae-ta the one without title for reviewing!! Also to KrissyFitzer, LITTLENEKO102 and ladymv for Favoriting, unchainedshackles for reviewing and Alerting, darkbloodymoon and squidbreath for Alerting, CommandoGirl for reviewing (twice), Alerting and Favoriting, and Melodies Cry Beyond and AnimeBabe1031 for Alerting, Favoriting and reviewing!!**

**Over 10 reviews for the last chapter…-faints- I love you all. **

**The Joys of Pet Ownership: Chapter Eight**

**x**

The way it had gone so far, this battle could very well end up dragging on. And considering the fact that the enemy had practically _drowned_ her, Tabitha didn't particularly want to know what the thief would do as time went on.

So, she decided, it was time to bring out the big guns. The heavy ammunition. She was going to call in…

The cavalry.

Oh, yes. _They_ would help her to make him pay.

**x**

"The rat is plotting something."

The blunt statement was delivered by Bakura the next morning at breakfast.

Ryo sighed tiredly. His darker side had been twitchy all day; the slightest incident would no doubt put him on the warpath. Bakura had been peering around corners, albeit discreetly, all morning long; he practically jumped at any noises he deemed 'suspicious.' If Ryo hadn't known any better, he could have sworn he saw his yami staring very intently at his breakfast cereal before eating it, a cautious expression on his usually arrogant face.

Bakura, for his part, refused to admit to being worried. He was simply taking precautions, that was all. He knew the Cream Puff of Doom (hey, he was feeling creative) would not take this latest attack lying down; surely she was plotting her revenge. And the thief was determined not to be one-upped again. The score was currently tied, a stalemate of _Bakura: 3, Poofball: 3_; and he would make sure it stayed that way until he had come up with a new plan of attack.

Lack of sleep wasn't helping the matter of his newfound paranoia, either. For the first time in days, he had had the opportunity to get a decent night's sleep; Ryo had kept the kitten in his room for the night out of fear Bakura might do something else evil to her. The thief had finally had a chance to snooze in peace, without the continual scratches and mewls. But no; he had spent the night lying awake, tossing and turning and twisting his head wildly as he awaited the cat's inevitable counter-attack.

Whatever she was planning in that conniving little mind of hers, Bakura was going to be ready for it if it killed him.

"Give it a rest, Bakura," Ryo responded wearily. "We've been through this. Tabitha is a _kitten_. She's an infant, almost. She is _not_ planning new ways to torment you every hour of every day; if you think that, you're clearly mixing her up with yourself."

Bakura stared at his hikari, flabbergasted. Ryo took advantage of the silence and drove his point home.

"Tabitha is the sweetest, most adorable, most _innocent_ thing I have ever seen. You need to stop attacking her every chance you get."

He went to get his school things, smiling in a satisfied way. Bakura sat stock still, mouth opening and closing like a fish. Eventually he scowled.

'_Innocent'?_ He made a mental note to add "Blind as a bat" to the ever-lengthening list of Ryo's shortcomings.

_**I**__ need to stop attacking __**her**__?! _

He glared at nobody in particular. _May the fuzzball chew your fingers off in your sleep, you ignorant moron._

**x**

Ryo had left for school (which was probably a good thing-Bakura was positive that if his hikari kept raving about Tabitha's innocence, things would get violent), leaving Bakura alone with the cat. Which wasn't unusual, of course, except for one small thing.

It had been hours since Ryo left, and the thief had seen no sign whatsoever of his furry tormentor.

At first he figured the thing was merely lying in wait, seeing if he would drop his guard and then attacking viciously. So he remained on high alert.

But as the day passed by, and he still hadn't seen paw nor tail of the little rat, he began to wonder. If she was going to pounce, wouldn't she have done so already? It had gotten to the point where Ryo would be home in less than an hour, and wasn't she less likely to get away with a sneak attack if her 'owner' was breathing down her neck? Had she jumped out one of the many windows Ryo liked to keep open for some inexplicable reason?

Strange. Very strange.

Slowly, but surely, Bakura's paranoia shrank. After all, one can only stay on Mega Alert for so long. He allowed his mind to stray from thoughts of the cat for the first time in what seemed like ages. He took a short nap on the couch. He raided his hikari's stash of Mini Twix bars. Life was good.

Eventually, the thief even decided to take a walk. He hadn't been outside in awhile, which he would normally consider a good thing-except that the entirety of the house at the moment seemed to smell very strongly of kitty litter. So fresh air was sounding pretty good. Never mind that Ryo would flay him if he found out his yami had left Tabitha home by herself; Bakura didn't even know if the cat _was_ home.

He left the house with something almost akin to a spring in his step (but for god's sake, don't tell _him_ that), never suspecting the havoc that would soon be wreaked.

Such is the danger of complacency.

**x**

The walk in itself went well. Bakura scared a few dogs, made small children cry, sent to the Shadow Realm a homeless guy who looked at him funny, etc. You know, the usual pastimes.

And en route back to the house, he saw something that made him do a shocked double-take and then positively cackle with glee (said cackle prompted a neighbor to scurry back into her house and bar the door, incidentally).

It was a poster nailed to a tree. A 'Missing' poster. A plea for the return of a vanished animal, a pet.

The picture on the poster was Tabitha.

There was no doubt in his mind; it was her, right down to the deceptively innocent fluffy face and luminous green eyes. The owner was somebody named Aineko, and they had promised a reward to anyone who could bring the "beloved" kitten home. Below the photo, in big print, was a phone number.

Bakura would have done a happy dance if he were that sort of person. As it was, he merely smirked and started walking home at a quickened pace.

So the rat _wasn't_ a stray, after all. She had an owner, whom she had escaped.

This was perfect. He now had his most legitimate reason yet for getting the fuzzball out of the house and out of his life. Ryo, as an established goody-goody, couldn't possibly keep a kitten from her rightful, loving owner.

Bakura ripped the poster from the tree with relish and resumed the walk home. Oh, he could not _wait_ to see Ryo's face when he saw this.

The boy would be heartbroken. Devastated. Miserable, and yet obligated to return the rat because let's face it, that was just his duty as one of the "good guys". Bakura pictured the crestfallen expression that would surely replace his hikari's ever-present smile. Ryo would finally be justly punished for the way he had been brushing off Tabitha's evil deeds to Bakura. And as for the thief himself, well, he would never have to suffer the sight of that vicious little puffball ever again. Oh, how glorious life would be.

Bakura was so caught up in this happy daydream that he didn't notice the paper slip out of his hand when a sudden gust of wind came along. He just kept walking, mentally deciding how to break the news to Ryo in the _least_ tactful way possible. The poster was blown into a gutter and promptly ruined.

And unfortunately for Bakura..well, the day just sort of went downhill from there.

**x**

The thief entered the house, thrusting open the door and causing it to hit the wall behind it with a loud bang. It probably left a dent. Not that he could care less.

Ryo wasn't home yet. Bakura, having still not noticed the distinct lack of 'Missing poster' in his hand, headed for his room to begin planning his private little "Post-Tabitha" party.

He placed his hand on the doorknob and sneezed. He inhaled and sneezed again. And again. And…

This went on for a good two minutes. Bakura probably shattered the world record for Highest Number of Consecutive Sneezes during that time. And that should have clued him in to the fact that something was..off. But he didn't seem to notice, and pushed open the door to his bedroom, despite a very loud inner voice shrieking at him not to do it.

(Moral: always listen to that inner voice.)

After looking into his room, it took the thief a full five seconds to even process what was going on, let alone actually comprehend it.

It was the ultimate nightmare, probably composed by some demon in hell who feared Bakura might someday come down and take over.

Cats. _Cats_. Everywhere, cats.

Cats on the bedside table. Cats on the windowsill. Cats on top of the dirty laundry hamper (which was empty, incidentally, seeing as Bakura preferred to simply toss dirty clothing on the floor). Cats on his _bed_ (which was enough to send him into some sort of horrified shock entirely on its own). And cats covering visibly every inch of his floor. Like some living, breathing, furry carpet.

Bakura might've let out something resembling a strangled scream of horror (although he'd deny it). He may have blacked out, just for a second (although he'd probably deny that one, too). He might very well have felt something die a horrible death inside of him (although he'd…well, you get the gist).

The cats all turned to look at him in one simultaneous motion; dozens of shining, evil cat eyes fixed themselves upon him. He furiously sought out the one most recognizable pair; the green eyes belonging to the one he had no doubt was to blame for this.

There they were. Tabitha sat at the foot of his bed, staring him down like the general of an invading army; which, basically, she was. _She had to have called in every damn cat in the entire freaking neighborhood!_ the thief thought, livid.

Tabitha eyed him in an arrogant way. Bakura could swear he saw the evil little thing smirk. Any second now, he expected to hear her bellow "_Charge_!!"

As it was, she merely gave a sweet, almost mocking little "Meow".

And then the plethora of furry nuisances swept over Bakura, burying him like an avenging ocean.

**TBC**

**A/N: My apologies for taking so long..again…-sweatdrop-**


	9. but you

Disclaimer: I don't own, so you don't sue. Tabitha's mine, but not Yu-Gi-Oh or Google.

**A/N: DigiCookies and much thanks go to Rain Megami, Always a Bookworm, hiddencry, ShinigamiKittens, Battle-Royalist, lovenyami, Little Kuriboh Imposter and Kitty Fowl for reviewing!! Also to Roseleaf-Bakura-fangirl for Favoriting and reviewing, and to 5FIVES for Alerting!! And finally to Lily Angel of Chaos and Neko-Nya-Chan for reviewing, Alerting and Favoriting! Arigato gozaimasu everyone!!**

**The Joys of Pet Ownership: Chapter Nine**

**x**

Ryo unlocked the door and found the house dark.

Not that this was uncommon, of course. His yami preferred to have as few lights on as possible; walking into furniture and scraping shins be damned.

No, what Ryo found somewhat odd was the noticeable absence of Bakura. Usually he was pounced on by his darker half the moment he set foot in the house, being pestered about dinner. There was none of that today, and he couldn't help but wonder why.

Shrugging his backpack off of his shoulder, Ryo decided that Bakura must have been napping and proceeded to heat up some leftover ramen for dinner. While the pasta cooked, he basked in the glory that was a temporarily thief-free existence. Once or twice he thought he heard small, hurried movements coming from somewhere, but dismissed them as Tabitha playing.

The ramen finished cooking, and Ryo went to wake up his yami. As much as he loved not having to deal with the thief, waking him up was choosing the lesser of two evils-he knew how ridiculously cranky Bakura got when hungry.

He braced himself (waking the other male up was never a pleasant task) and shoved open the thief's door, knowing he'd be ignored if he only knocked.

And then, as any one of his neighbors can testify, Ryo yelled. Loudly.

It was Bakura, sprawled on the ground and apparently unconscious. Getting himself under control, Ryo fumbled for the light switch; when it came on, he almost yelled again.

His yami was always vaguely creepy-looking; after all, he was an ancient Egyptian thief with immense power over the Shadows, not to mention a proud sadist, so what else could one expect? But this was something else entirely.

Bakura looked like something straight out of the Twilight Zone.

Or perhaps Dawn of the Dead.

Ryo didn't know what he should panic over first. His yami's skin had been completely changed due to what had to be some sort of advanced torture; if a patch of bare skin hadn't been marred by a deep or shallow scratch, then it had been discolored by an almost painful-looking rash; and if it wasn't that, then it was both.

Bakura's eyes flickered open. He saw Ryo and frowned, trying to recall where he was, and why he was in so much discomfort and pain.

Then he remembered.

"Hikari," he said in a falsely cheerful voice. "I have an excellent plan for the evening."

Ryo was almost afraid to ask. "…What?"

"_I_ am going to do a Google search on the most agonizing tortures ever designed by man," Bakura continued. "_You_ are going to find that kitten of yours."

He smirked coldly. "I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this."

**x**

Ryo had smacked him upside the head for that suggestion and then gone to fetch some rubbing alcohol to apply to the scratches.

"The last thing I need is for you to get yourself infected," he'd said. "And I _refuse_ to make another trip to the doctor right now."

Bakura rubbed the lump on the back of his head, muttering a slew of creative death threats to himself.

_It was an ambush,_ he thought angrily. _That sneaky little rat; I'll wring her neck the __**second**__ she's back in my sight… _

The river of cats had overtaken him and immediately proceeded to scratch every inch of skin they could reach. In doing so, they had naturally rubbed themselves all over him, awakening his allergies and causing the (increasingly itchy) red rash. He had attempted to escape, but had been thrust back down by the enormous collective weight of the cats; the violent downward motion smashed his head into his still-ajar door, thus knocking him out. His window was still open; the cats must have scattered when Ryo arrived.

Still growling violent things, Bakura began making a mental hitlist of every cat whose face he could recall. One in particular, a one-eyed Siamese, stood out in his memory as having been especially vicious. He wondered if her owners would notice if she mysteriously went missing..

Such imaginings were rudely interrupted by the return of Ro, who was holding a plastic bag of cotton swabs and a bottle of the rubbing alcohol. He wore the expression of a man walking to his doom, but determined to do so with dignity.

"Well," he said, unscrewing the bottle's cap, "let's get this over with, shall we?"

**x**

"_Aaaagh_!"

"Oh, for the love of heaven! You're being such a baby; get a grip!"

Bakura's sharp intake of breath was a hiss. Every second renewed his vow to murder that cream puff.

Ryo dipped another cotton swab into the alcohol and rubbed it into Scratch Number 13 before his yami could protest. Bakura bit his lip until his drew blood. "Gods!" he snapped. "What-_agh!_-human _sadist_-ngh-invented this-_watch it_!" Ryo, losing patience, was being less than gentle now.

"Sixteen cuts disinfected," the hikari announced, mimicking Bakura's earlier fake-happy tone. "About two hundred left to go."

Bakura groaned furiously. "The day when you finally decide to get rid of that damn fluffball will officially be the best day of my life. And I've had a lot of life," he added.

Ryo rolled his eyes. "Give it a rest already. I'm _not_ getting rid of Tabitha, and nothing you say could possibly change my mind."

Bakura started to scowl, but then the memory of his earlier Ace in the hole came back to him. He smirked.

"Oh really?" he inquired silkily. "And what if I were to inform you that your beloved kitty is _not_ a stray? That it actually has an owner?"

"Oh please," Ryo muttered. "That's a sad excuse even for you."

But Bakura didn't miss the flicker of nervousness in his hikari's eyes, and chose to capitalize on it quickly. "I'm hurt that you think I would lie about something of this importance," he said sarcastically. "Would you like me to prove it?"

The younger boy stiffened, and attempted to cover up his increasing discomfort. "Yes, by all means," he responded in a tone dripping with sarcasm. "Prove it to me. I'm anxious to see your 'evidence.'"

Bakura's unholy grin broadened exponentially. "I'll be right back."

**x**

But he did not come "right back".

Ryo waited with smug patience for his yami to return with some cheesy piece of fabricated evidence that a toddler could tell was false. He wasn't worried.

Well…not _too_ worried, anyway.

Bakura went to find his coat (hadn't he put the poster into his coat pocket?), satisfied at first. But after digging through every pocket in the coat and coming up empty, he was forced to concede that something was off.

Refusing to be deterred, he proceeded to methodically search every inch of the room.

Nothing.

Now he was beginning to panic. He started throwing things out of his way, tearing the room apart in vain.

The poster, his salvation, was nowhere to be found.

The resulting scream could be heard from miles away.

**TBC**

**A/N: Extra thanks goes to Rain Megami for pointing out that Bakura would look like something out of the Twilight Zone. XD And this chap is dedicated to real-life Tina, the late one-eyed Siamese.**


	10. just

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I tell you, nothing! Well, maybe I own a few things..but Yu-Gi-Oh is not among them!

**A/N: Thanks lots to Kitty Fowl, LilyRosetheDreamer, Rain Megami, Commando Girl, Melodies Cry Beyond, hiddencry, Bellacide, lovenyami, Battle-Royalist, millenniumthief, ShinigamiKittens, Always a Bookworm and Little Kuriboh Imposter for reviewing!! Also to jasonjason123abc, YesterdaysPast and Fuyahiko for Favoriting, enigmaecstatic for Alerting, and Emmigummi for reviewing, Alerting and Favoriting! We're getting close to 100 reviews now-arigato gozaimasu!!**

**The Joys of Pet Ownership: Chapter 10**

**x**

The universe hated him. There was no other possible explanation.

Bakura was almost ready to rip his hair out. _The poster, the poster-where the HELL is the poster?!_

Madness, that's what this was. The world had gone mad. He had been reduced to desperately hunting for a "Missing Pet" poster, while in the meantime being outscored 3-4 by a kitten. If Malik could see him now, he would never hear the end of it.

_Well, it could be worse than that. Think what would happen if the __**Pharaoh**__ saw this. _He shuddered violently. He would have to gouge somebody's eyes out to ease the humiliation. 'Somebody' in that case probably being a certain cat-loving hikari..

_Get a grip, man! Calm down and think. __**Think**__. Where did you last see it?_ He closed his eyes and recalled ripping the poster off of the tree and clutching it in his hand. He did not remember putting it into a coat pocket, or in fact a pocket of any sort.

Right. It hadn't been put in a pocket. So that still left the million-dollar question: Where had it gone?

Bakura pondered this for awhile. While he was mulling it over, Ryo appeared, wearing an uncharacteristically smug smirk that would have done the thief proud, had it not been aimed at him.

"Having trouble locating your.." He gave a conspicuously fake cough. ".._evidence_?" The last word was said with blatantly obvious satisfaction. Bakura considered the possibility of gouging out his hikari's eyes just for fun.

"I seem to have.._misplaced_ it," he ground out. "I'll find it soon enough."

"Uh-huh," Ryo said, his smirk widening. "Sure. Well, I'm going to go look at something online. You call me if you decide to end this silly game." And he departed, leaving behind a murderous yami.

**x**

After another thirty minutes of the same-as in, Bakura tearing things apart to no avail-the exhausted thief gave up. The poster was nowhere to be found.

He sank to the floor and started massaging his temples, allowing himself a loud groan of frustration.

_My once chance at freedom_, he thought mournfully. _Gone. Vanished. Poof._

…_Wait. 'Poof'? _

_Did I just use the word '__**poof'**__?!_

He was obviously losing his mind.

With a strangled noise, he turned around, eyes fervently seeking the nearest wall; when he found said wall, he moved close and immediately began bashing his head into it.

The kitten was ruling _his_ household.

_Bash._

A cream puff was outscoring him, despite his repeated efforts to destroy her.

_Bash._

The one time he almost succeeded, he just had to have a moment of weakness and save her furry little life.

_Bash._

And then she repaid him by wreaking even more havoc than she had previously.

_Bash._

To top everything off, his final and best bid for freedom-the poster-had vanished without a trace.

_Bash._

_Wait._

Bakura shot away from the wall abruptly, ignoring the thin stream of blood sliding down his forehead and the bridge of his nose.

Apparently all the self-abuse had triggered something. Because he now came to a realization so obvious he couldn't believe he had missed it. He gave his head another good bash for his own stupidity.

The neighborhood he had walked through had been veritably _crawling_ with posters. So he had lost one-so what? All he had to do was go back and get another one!

The old maniacal glint returned to his eye as he stood and made a beeline for the door. He had another chance to use his Ace, and this time, nothing would stop him. This was it. He would get rid of that accursed cat, no matter what.

**x**

Except Bakura had forgotten to take into account one thing. One small, enormously important thing.

Two words: Murphy's Law.

Which was undoubtedly the sole justification for this mess.

Bakura had run all the way to the neighborhood where he had found the first poster, after taking multiple wrong turns and causing many car accidents due to his frightening and, well, _evil_ visage. Huffing and puffing in a most undignified way, the thief king finally found the proper place.

But..this couldn't have been the proper place, could it? No, it couldn't be. The gods could not _possibly_ despise him that much.

It was, though. This was the right neighborhood.

And there was not one single poster. Anywhere. Every tree was empty.

There were five seconds of total silence-the kind of silence that acts as a vacuum; the kind of silence that comes directly before a loud scream.

And that was exactly what Bakura did. He screamed; a loud, earth-shattering screech of pure rage. He sank to his knees and all but howled, mentally watching as his last hope was viciously ripped away. The posters were gone, with no explanation, leaving the thief utterly and completely…screwed.

Bakura stayed like that for a while; on the ground, head turned upward, pausing in his yells only for breath. He continued to do so until a frustrated old lady from a nearby house finally became fed up and stormed out of her home to whack him upside the head with a broom.

**x**

He dragged himself back to the house, sporting several new bruises thanks to the surprisingly strong old woman.

He was spent. There was nothing else for it-he could no longer fight against the raging storm that was that stupid cat. Hurricane Tabitha had ripped through his life with vehemence, and he could do nothing to stop her.

One more speech, he decided, one more attempt to make his woefully imbecilic hikari see reason. And you know things are desperate if Thief King Bakura is taking the side of reason.

He saw a head full of vaguely porcupine-ish hair (not that it held a candle to his own, of course) poking over the back of the couch, and dove into his swan song rant with fervor.

"I've had it," he announced loudly; Ryo flinched, but did not turn around. "I am through with this stupidity. I refuse to be a party to the insanity any longer!"

No signs of recognition from the younger male. Bakura scowled and continued. "Your unbelievable disregard for the evidence has pushed me to enter war against a kitten. And no matter what new torment it inflicts on me, you defend it. You ignore what's right in front of you solely because of your infatuation with the ball of fluff!"

Still nothing. Angrily, Bakura continued. "And furthermore-!"

He stopped. Ryo had turned around, and the boy's eyes were red. He said nothing.

Feeling uncomfortable and extremely annoyed because of it, Bakura tried to speak just as brusquely. "What is wrong with you?" he snapped.

Ryo opened and shut his mouth several times, unable to get anything out.

At last, he managed a choked, "Tabitha."

**TBC**

**A/N: Extra thanks to Always a Bookworm for giving me the mental image of what would happen if the other yamis saw Bakura in his kitten-pummeled state. XD **


	11. brought me

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of its characters. I do own Tabitha and Aineko, but that's it.

**A/N: Much thanks goes to hiddencry, Rain Megami, Yami No Mariku Ishtar, Always a Bookworm, CommandoGirl, lovenyami, Bellacide, Emmigummi, and ShinigamiKittens for reviwing!! Also to 5FIVES and Ariadne Bassarid for Favoriting and reviewing, Yami's Aibou, JadedKatrina and Pharaohess for Alerting, Kris Phantom for Favoriting, scrambled-eggs-at-midnight for reviewing and Alerting, and Mysia Ri for Alerting and Favoriting.**

**WE HIT 100 REVIEWS!!! *Epic Glomp of Doom* I love you all!!!!! Thanks so very much!!**

**The Joys of Pet Ownership: Chapter 11**

**x**

"What about the furball?" Bakura inquired irritably. He really didn't need Ryo dissolving into a puddle of mush while he was trying to deliver a perfectly good rant.

_Wait! Maybe this is good.._ After all, Ryo looked _extremely_ upset. And…and Ryo _loved_ Tabitha, right? So what if this meant..what if this meant…?!

"Is she dead?!" Bakura asked eagerly. _Maybe the rat got herself eaten by a dog..Or maybe she jumped headfirst into a blender; ooh, that could be messy..Maybe she got stuck on a ceiling fan!_

But just as these fantasies were taking shape in his sadistically delighted mind, they were put through a mental paper shredder by Ryo's indignant "_No_!"

The thief sighed. "Then what are you so upset about?" he snapped, bitter with disappointment.

Ryo's lip trembled. His eyes started watering. Bakura narrowed his eyes.

"If you start crying, I swear to the almighty Ra, I will send you to the Shadows."

Ryo closed his eyes, visibly trying to get a hold of himself. When he opened them again, he began to speak in a quiet but relatively steady tone. "When you mentioned the poster..Well, of course I didn't believe you. I was sure it was another one of your pitiful attempts to convince me Tabitha had to go."

Ignoring Bakura's outraged squawk of "_'Pitiful'_?!", the boy continued. "But after a minute or so, I started thinking..well..what if someone really _did_ lose Tabitha? What if, while we've been having fun with her-" his yami snorted "-someone else was pining for her return?"

"Who would pine for that rat?!" Bakura exclaimed, unable to keep quiet. "Who even _uses_ the word 'pine' anymore?!"

"That's not the point!" Ryo snapped. "I did a search online of Tabitha's statistics, along with any missing pet reports in the last few weeks. And.." His shoulders slumped. "…I got a match."

Bakura stood stock still, afraid that if he moved, the beautiful dream would end. He didn't think it _was_ a dream, mind, but he was taking no chances.

"I called the owner," Ryo continued. His voice trembled. "Sh-she was ecstatic. Said she'd take down all the posters immediately and..and.." His tone was now choked with tears. He cleared his throat and pressed bravely on. "..c-come to take Tabitha home."

There was a brief silence. Ryo groped for a tissue and blew his nose.

But Bakura heard neither that nor the sniffles that followed. All of it was blocked out by the gloriously loud _Hallelujah_ chorus that had begun the moment his hikari had finished the sentence.

"So," Bakura said, his voice remarkably calm. "Does this mean what I believe it does?"

"Yes," Ryo said, sounding utterly miserable. "Tabitha's leaving." His face crumpled.

A truly frightening grin appeared on the thief king's face for the first time in a long time. It was a smile of victory. The smile of a winner. The war was over. And he had won.

Bakura retreated to his room to enjoy a nice, private victory party. Maybe he would invite Malik. They could play Pin the Knife on the Cat, or perhaps bash the living daylights out of a kitten-shaped piñata..oh, how fun this would be.

If he heard the soft, quiet sobs coming from the living room as he left, he gave no sign.

**x**

He had just concluded a ten-minute-long laughing fit when the doorbell rang.

Bakura flew off of his bed, raced to the front door, and threw it open with such vigor that it almost came off of its hinges.

A bespectacled, red-haired young woman met his gaze, looking startled.

"Areyouherefortherat?!" Bakura's words blurred together in his eagerness to finish the deal and get both cat and woman away from his house and life as quickly as possible.

The woman was confused, but recovered. "My name is Aineko," she said. "Aineko Takashi. It's a pleasure to meet you." She extended her hand, clearly confident in a favorable response to her politeness.

She received no such response. Bakura looked down at her hand, examining it as if it were a dead rat-well, no, he actually liked dead rats. Suffice to say, he looked at it as if it were Tabitha.

After a few uncomfortable (for Aineko, at least; Bakura was quite enjoying himself) seconds, the woman withdrew her hand and tried a question. "Are..are you Ryo Bakura-san?"

Before the thief could answer, he was shoved unceremoniously to the side by Ryo. "Hello, Takashi-san," he greeted her with a smile. "Please come in." She did so. "And don't mind my brother," Ryo added, shooting Bakura a warning look. "He has..issues."

Bakura chortled in acknowledgement of what was evidently _supposed_ to be an insult.

"Feel free to sit down," Ryo continued, somehow maintaining his cheery smile. "I'll go get Ta-your cat." He left.

Aineko seated herself at the kitchen table and watched Bakura warily. "When you asked if I was here for the 'rat'," she said abruptly, "I assume you meant my baby?"

It took the thief a few seconds to realize that when she said 'baby', she was referring to the fuzzball. _Nauseating_. Before he could utter what was sure to be an interesting retort, however, Ryo made his timely return, Tabitha in his arms.

Aineko leapt from her chair, knocking it over, and squealed. "Cream Puff!" she cried, grabbing the cat away from Ryo. Tabitha yowled at the sudden exchange, while Ryo stood in mute shock. Bakura snickered. _'Cream Puff'. I __**knew**__ it._

Aineko proceeded to shower the squirming kitten with kisses. Ryo and Bakura made identical faces.

"Oh, my baby, your beautiful fur!" she moaned, noticing the kitten's three bald legs. She turned angrily to the pair before her. "Did you do this?!"

A swift elbow to the gut, administered by his hikari, prevented Bakura from taking credit for his handiwork. Thinking quickly, Ryo answered, "Isn't it awful? Poor thing must have gotten caught in something; she was like that when we found her."

Aineko raised a suspicious eyebrow, but didn't push. She turned back to her cat with a soppy smile on her face once more. "You can go home now, Puffykins! Back to your big bed, and your special food.."

Ryo listened to the woman's monologue with a strained expression; Bakura, who had started sniggering uncontrollably at the name "Puffykins", was quickly tiring of hearing Aineko spew.

"…and mama, of course; your _real_ owner-"

Ryo's face fell. Bakura saw, and he scowled. _All right, that's-_

"Enough already!" he snapped angrily. All of the room's other occupants turned to him in surprise.

"We get the bloody idea, lady," Bakura continued, glaring at an indignant Aineko. "You worship your cat. Your precious Puffykins." He made a gagging noise. "Point taken. But you can't love her _that_ much, can you?" Viciousness shone in his eyes. "After all, who was stupid enough to let the thing out of their sight? The rat showed up here and _he_-" a vehement point at Ryo- "took care of it while you did nothing more than nail posters to trees."

Aineko's bottom lip wobbled. But Bakura wasn't finished.

"I know nothing about cats. But for hell's sake, even I can see that they don't enjoy being strangled and smothered! Not that _I_ care, of course," he added quickly, in case anyone got the wrong idea. "But I do not appreciate people pretending to be saintly when they are not. If you love that ball of fuzz, then in the name of Ra, act like it."

The speech ceased. Aineko's eyes sparkled with tears. "I-I'm sorry if-I didn't mean to-"

"Save it," the thief snarled, pointing to the door.

The woman left, taking Tabitha with her. And Bakura made sure that the door did indeed hit her on the way out.

"Bakura.." Ryo smiled. "That was great. I didn't know you cared about Tabby so much."

Bakura almost vomited on the spot. "_Cared_?!" he spat. "What on earth possessed you to think that I-" He stopped, mentally running through his little speech. And then he groaned. It _had_ sounded like he cared.

_Great. Just peachy._

He decided it was time for a little more head-bashing therapy.

**TBC**

**A/N: Yes, there was a bit more drama in this chapter than usual, but it can't ALL be laughs, can it?**

**Anyway. Just so you know, the next chapter will probably be the last one. **

**Oh, yeah..Extra thanks to 5FIVES for the comments about the dog, the blender, and the ceiling fan. XD**

**And kudos to Always a Bookworm for guessing right about what Bakura found online.**


	12. down!

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh. Or Saw. Or The Exorcist.

**A/N: Extra thanks goes to ShinigamiKittens for the first line of this chap, and for Bakura's TV preference. The rest of the thank-yous are at the end, because, well, there are a LOT of them. ^.^**

**Oh yeah, the first sentence of Bakura's voicemail is not mine. I stole it from the live-action Grinch movie.**

**The final chapter is **_**heeeere**_**. Wow.**

**The Joys of Pet Ownership: Chapter 12**

**x**

Bakura no longer had to fantasize about impaling Tabitha on a power drill.

There was no longer a necessity to fantasize about doing violent things to the kitten at all, in fact-because she was _gone_. Gone, gone, long gone. Out of his life, and out of Ryo's, although the two had different feelings about that fact. Simply put: Bakura was happier than a cat with cream (no irony intended), and Ryo was miserable.

No more did Bakura have to keep mental score of victories in a war between himself and a ball of fluff. No more did he have to look over his shoulder and peek around corners, purely out of paranoia. No longer was he constantly being ambushed and annoyed. No more did he launch into a sneezing fit whenever he sat on a piece of furniture the cat had already claimed.

The night Tabitha left, Bakura had what felt like the best sleep of his life-perhaps because it was the first in a while that was not kept from him by an irate kitten.

After a few days, the last of the rashes from his allergies went away. He tossed the allergy cream given to him by the doctor out of the window with glee, and smiled beatifically at the resulting yelp, as the tube had landed on the head of their neighbor's dog.

The wounds collected from his days as a cat housemate healed slowly, but eventually faded either entirely or into scars.

While Bakura was in a consistent state of joy, his hikari seemed exactly the opposite. Ryo hadn't stopped moping around since Tabitha left, and the black cloud hanging over his head was beginning to take its toll on his yami's happy mood.

"Oh, will you _get over it_!" Bakura finally yelled after a week of this went by.

Ryo looked up from his breakfast cereal. "Wha?" he inquired tiredly.

"You know precisely 'wha'," Bakura replied irritably. "You've been mourning the loss of the rat for days now. Time to snap out of it. It's not like she's dead, for crying out loud!"

"I know, I know," Ryo acknowledged with a sigh. "I'm being a baby."

"Yes," Bakura agreed helpfully. "Yes, you are."

Ryo shot him a look. "Obviously _you_ don't understand," he said sadly. "You hated Tabitha. I loved her."

In a remarkable and uncharacteristic show of restraint, the thief avoided rolling his eyes. "You sound like something out of a bad soap opera," he informed the younger boy.

Ryo didn't even utilize a scathing retort. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I just…I just miss her."

Bakura found he had nothing to say to that. After a minute of silence Ryo left the table to get ready for school, leaving his cereal to turn to mush.

**x**

While Ryo was at school, Bakura lounged on the couch, watching the television and enjoying yet another blissfully Tabitha-free day. He was in the middle of a _Saw_ marathon (and laughing at it, I might add) when the phone rang.

Bakura paused the movie (thank Ra for DVR) and waited for the answering machine to kick in. He hoped it was a telemarketer. He never got tired of screwing with telemarketers.

The answering machine started, and Bakura grinned evilly. He and Ryo had a long-running war waged over the answering machine-Ryo wanted a nice, polite, normal (read: boring as hell) message to be taped on it. Bakura always opted for something a little more.._interesting_. The result was an answering machine message that changed whenever one male was out of earshot of the other. And since Ryo went to school, Bakura's messages were the ones that often played. Like the current one, for example.

"_If you utter so much as one syllable, I will hunt you down and gut you like a fish. Now, if you have a death wish, by all means, make my day and leave a message. Otherwise, quit wasting my answering machine batteries."_

_**Beeeep.**_

A voice (a rather nervous one, Bakura noted with satisfaction) spoke up. _"Um-uh, hello, Bakura-san? Are you there?...Well, this is Aineko Takashi, you know, Cream Puff's owner?"_

Bakura scowled. _Wonderful. Cat Chick is stalking us now._

"_Um, I don't mean to be overly forward or presumptuous or anything, but..well, I was wondering if you would consider..um, I'm a college student, and I also hold four jobs. I'm extremely busy, so I was hoping you could..um.."_

Bakura tried to keep his annoyance in check and failed. Abysmally.

He grabbed the phone and shouted, "_Spit it out already!_"

A startled noise that sounded like something along the lines of "Meep" came from the other end. Bakura waited with growing impatience as Aineko attempted to collect herself.

"He-hello, Bakura-san," she chirped nervously. "How are you?"

"I was a hell of a lot better before you called," Bakura responded waspishly.

"Right," was the slightly affronted-sounding reply. "Well, is your brother there? I wanted to speak to him."

She was another one of those people, Bakura noted, that said "Well" at the beginning of half her sentences. Or at least it seemed that way. Gods, he hated people like that..

"Bakura-san?"

"Look, Ryo isn't here," Bakura snapped, fed up with the whole thing. "If I were a normal, polite person, I would ask if I could take a message, or tell you to call back. But as I am neither normal nor polite, I'll tell you this: I am no one's messenger. And if you call this house again, I'll probably have to track you down and kill you in the most painful way imaginable, and mind you, I can imagine _quite_ a lot. Understood?" And he slammed the phone down.

He wondered if she'd be stupid enough to call back. He waited a few seconds. The phone remained silent; so, smirking, he sat back down and returned to cackling at his _Saw_ marathon.

**x**

Ryo came home late but jubilant.

"Guess what happened today?" he exclaimed upon entering the house, sounding disturbingly like an overexcited teenage girl.

Bakura was currently in the middle of _The Exorcist_, and was enthralled in it. He barely heard his hikari, and answered with a noncommittal grunt.

"Come on, Bakura, guess. I know you're going to _love_ it." There was a note of satisfaction in Ryo's voice, but Bakura didn't hear it. The devil was making the little girl vomit pea soup in the movie, and he wasn't about to miss it.

"Go away," the darker of the two grumbled distractedly. "Can't you see I'm busy?"

Ryo took a glance at what was happening onscreen and turned a delicate shade of green. "Well," he said in a queasy-sounding tone. "I thought you might like to know..Remember Aineko Takashi-san? Tabitha's owner?"

Bakura made a gagging sound, still not taking his gaze from the TV.

"Yes, her. Anyway, she called me on my cell phone and asked me to do her a favor. At first I thought she had some nerve, but then I heard her offer and couldn't refuse." He paused, realized his yami was still resolutely ignoring him, and sighed. "Fine, I'll make this short. I now have a job. As a _cat sitter_."

He folded his arms and smirked again, waiting for the gravity of his announcement to sink in.

"Since when do I care what you do with your time?" Bakura snapped, pausing the movie and facing his hikari. "Go on and take the little furballs on walks all you want. I'll laugh at you. I see nothing wrong with this plan."

"…Subtlety is completely lost on you," Ryo stated irritably. Shaking his head, he turned and left the room. It was probably best to put a safe distance between them before he made things clear. Which was why, ten seconds later, Bakura heard a gleeful call from the kitchen.

"Tabitha's coming back!"

And Ryo ran.

_Three..two…one…_

"_**WHAT**_?!"

**x**

But the arrangement was already set. Aineko, for all her smothering love, simply didn't have as much time to devote to the cat as she wanted. Tabitha would be brought to Ryo's house at seven each morning, and picked up at nine at night. Except that Ryo had school, so guess who was stuck home with the cat all day.

And-although not for lack of trying-Bakura found he couldn't halt the returning Advent of Tabitha.

Forced to accept the situation, he went and attempted to get his allergy cream back from the neighbor's dog, with extremely painful (for Bakura) and hilarious (for Ryo) results. He stole his hikari's credit card, went online and bought the biggest, loudest shotgun he possibly could, along with a variety of questionably legal tranquilizer darts. To his disappointment, Ryo got the card back before his yami could buy any arsenic.

The day before Ryo's new "job" started, an idea occurred to Bakura. _I need an army_, he realized. _I need __**minions**__._

After all, hadn't the cream puff won a battle by calling in all of her cat friends? Yes, he decided, an army was in order. Something to make the cat regret every setting paw into _his_ domain…

**x**

Ryo set down his backpack and was in the middle of making dinner when he realized an odd silence. The TV wasn't on. Nothing was being tortured or blown up. Which meant Bakura most likely wasn't at large.

With a sinking feeling, he remembered what had happened the last time he had arrived to a silent home. Bakura, the Twilight Zone character. Swallowing, he made his way to his yami's room, opened the door, and found..Bakura. Perfectly normal-looking (for him), wearing an unholy grin, and gazing almost fondly into a small glass case.

"B-Bakura..What are you doing?" _Oh_ _God, he's gone psychotic. More than usual, I mean._

Bakura looked up, and the grin widened to epic proportions. "Take a look for yourself," he said with sadistic sweetness, holding out the case.

Every ounce of common sense Ryo possessed was screeching at him not to look. But he steeled himself, bent forward, and glanced inside.

And shrieked.

"Baby scorpions," Bakura explained unnecessarily, his joy growing by the second. "They were on sale. Nobody else wanted them..I can't _imagine_ why."

Ryo backed away, paling. Bakura cackled, long and loud.

Payback time.

_Oh yes_, he thought to himself. _This will be fun._

**x**

_**One Week Later**_

"_Hello, you've reached Ryo Bakura. If you-put the scorpions **down**, Bakura-if you'd like to leave a message, please do so after the-Bakura, **what are you doing with that rat poison**?!-sorry, please do so after the tone! Er, thank you very much! I'll get back to you as soon as I-**BAKURA**!!"_

_**Beeeep!**_

"_Umm…Hello, this is Aineko. I just wanted to let you know..Tabitha's pregnant! Would you babysit the kittens?"_

**x**

**The End**

**x**

**A/N: And that is that. The Joys of Pet Ownership is over!! Let the thank-yous begin!**

**A GIGANTIC THANK-YOU AND MANY CYBER COOKIES TO:**

**Always a Bookworm (tyvm for getting me to start this!), ShinigamiKittens, Atomic Lightbulb, Zuma, millenniumthief, marie, devotedtodreams, hiddencry, Yami No Mariku Ishtar, Battle-Royalist, Hikari Kame, kuroneko1571, Bellacide, scrambled-eggs-at-midnight, Kitty Fowl, Rayna, Sparrow, Rain Megami, lovenyami, too-much-romance, unchained shackles, Gae-ta the one without title, Melodies Cry Beyond, RoSeLeaFISHtaR, CommandoGirl, AnimeBabe1031, Lily Angel of Chaos, Neko-Nya-Chan, LilyRosetheDreamer, Emmigummi, 5FIVES, Ariadne Bassarid, Ultimolu, LaughingDeath77, Nibi-Nekomata, DeathFruitsMaximumSecrets (can't thank you enough for all the advice and writer's block-killing services you offered!!), AND EVERYONE WHO FAVORITED AND/OR ALERTED!!!! I thank you all a million times!! –bows-**

**Love ya all! XD I hope you enjoyed TJOPO! Over and out -SkywardShadow**


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